yes, another post

Remember wHen I said I was going to try and cut down tHe blogging. Well tHat tHougHt Has gone completely out tHe window, sorry. Some people made some great arguments tHat made me tHink tHat was a good cHoice. A. It would be easier for people to catcH up if I only posted 2/3 times a week. B. It would leave tHem wanting more.



Well tHose are botH great reason, but I don't feel like a Have a following. I really feel like I'm tHe red Headed stepcHild tHat sits in tHe back of tHe van and everyone forgets Him wHen tHey're getting out to go inside tHe grocery store. Plus I feel like every little quirky tHings tHat Happens to me in a given day is blog wortHy, lol.



Just like tHis useless post I'm writing now, but you need some History first. I've mentioned before tHat most of my girl crusHes were always on wHite cHicks. Not a good tHing coming from my Hometown. H, just Happens to be one of tHem, and tHe one I'm closest witH. We became close in tHe 8tH grade and sHe was actually tHe one tHat let tHe news out about me and K dating. Long story sHort tHat was also tHe beginning of Her discovering sHe Has an unHealtHy obsession witH black guys.



Long story sHort, sHe started dating black guys. Parents found out. Hell broke lose. SHe cried. Hell broke loose some more. And sHe Had panic attacks. But Her fascination witH black guys didn't stop Here. It continued to HigH scHool and for better or worst I fell in like witH Her, and we went back and fortH for a wHile. But ultimately decided we were better as friends, plus it was senior year and wHy start a new relationsHip wHen we're botH leaving.



So I give you a glimpse into my friendsHip witH H. THis all started wHen I commented on Her facebook status tHat said sHe was reading.

J

reading wHat

H

THe Perks of Being a Wallflower

J

never Heard of it

H

I Hadn't eitHer until (mutual friend) gave it to me at scHool today. SHe said its Her favorite book- its weird, but good.

J

lol,tHose are usually tHe best

H

YeaH, tHey are. Do you read for fun?

J

no,but im trying to start. and im tryna start writing again

H

BlaH.

J

blaH!tHats rude

H

I love to read for fun.

J

im Happy 4 youi just dont Have any books and Havent been 2 a library since 9tH grade

H

Well I would offer to supply you witH some, but I don't know tHat you would like tHe kind of stuf I read. I'm not sure tHougH, we botH loved tHe Giver.

J

yea, and ive been meaning to read tHe otHer two

H

I Haven't read tHe otHers yet eitHer.

J

i tHink i migHt buy all tHree online wHile im tHinking about it

H

If you buy 'em let me borrow 'em.

J

i will cause i dont reread books. so tHey just gatHer dust

H

I read tHe TwiligHt series and I really realy enjoyed tHem.

J

lol, i tHink ive lost you

H

WHat you mean?

J

twiligHt. i guess i just Have a bad perception about tHe books. so i will probably never read tHem

H

THey sound really stupid. My cousin suggested it to me and I told Her I would never read tHat stupid crap about vampires.

J

lol

H

But once I read tHem, I loved tHem. :) I couldn't stop reading.

J

ill probably never read tHem, and i still Havent read book 7 of Harry potter

H

I never read tHe Harry Potter books.

J

tHose were tHe only books ive read witH a passion. we Had to read tHe 2nd one in tHe 5tH grade, and it was like crack rock

H

I just couldn't ever get into tHe first one.

J

i became addicted. never read tHe first one eitHer, saw tHe movie tHougH

H

I love tHe movies.

J

i was disappointed witH tHe 4tH one tHougH

H

I also read a futuristic series tHat reminded me of THe Giver. You would probably like it.

J

is it called futuristic

H

No. THe first one is Uglies.

J

oH, uglies

H

THe second one is Pretties, and tHe tHird is Specials

J

wHat is it about

H

Its like 300 or so years from now..and wHen you turn 16 you Have tHis surgery tHat makes you "pretty" and you look just like everyone else. Its about a girl wHo is waiting to turn pretty and sHe makes a friend and wHen Her friend runs away tHe officials tell Her sHe can't be made pretty until sHe finds Her friend.

J

aww, sounds interesting and it does rmind me of tHe giver

H

Its really good. Kind of mystery, plays witH your mind, and Has a little bit of romance.

J

Hmm

H

If you want to read 'em I'll send tHem to you.

J

i migHt Hit you up after im tHrougH witH tHe giver trilogy

H

We can swap books. :)

J

yay

H

Did you watcH tHe Inaugaration today ? I spelt tHat wrong. Ha.

J

yea i skipped my first class and missed like 10 minutes of tHe second one but i watcHed it

H

I didn't watcH it. Not even tHe parade. I Had class ALL day.

J

tHat sucks it was my first one, so it was nice

H

My friend Billie was tHere.

J

but i cant figure out if you get reelected tHen do you get anotHer inauguration

H

I was wondering tHat earlier today. THat would seem pointless

J

yea, but no one i asks seems 2 know. so i ask tHem How tHe Heck did tHey get into UGA and tHeyre like How did you and i say cause im black

H

HaHaHaHaHa

J

and walk away

H

and from a scHool witH a HigH poverty rate

J

yes

H

I tHougHt of you tHe otHer day.

J

aH

H

I asked my black friend from scHool if black people were afraid to fly and sHe said "girl you crazy" and sHe said "I Hope you don't ask just any random black person tHose kind of questions"

J

HaHaHa,you cant do tHat H. you already come from (my Home town)

H

THen I realized tHat I Had special black friends. Not regular black friends. HaHa

J

lol, wHat does tHis special mean

H

I tHink it means more wHite tHan black. HaHa

J

Hmm, im not even offended by tHat anymore

H

I mean come on, my closest black friends are you and (anotHer mutual friend) and I'm pretty sure tHat y'all are wHite people trrappd in african american bodies!

J

Hmm, im pretty sure im black. my moms black. and my dads black.

H

HaHa. :)

J

so are my five brotHers and sisters

H

I'm glad we're friends, no matter wHat color you are.

J

well i only like you cause youre wHite. its probably tHat wHole forbidden fruit tHing

H

THats a concept I understand. Ha

J

yea, if anyone does its you, does tHat make me any blacker or am i still a special black friend

H

Ha. I'll take tHat as a compliment, J.

J

it was

H

Well Ima get back to my reading.

J

ok

i sHould try and start mine

H

Half way tHrougH. Its gettin' good. .I'll talk to you later. :) ly

J

ok

coming clean

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blogging

I think I blog too much. We're only twenty days into the new year and I already have 46 posts. It took me three months to get 96 for 2008, and I already have 46 this year. I think I need to cut back the blogging, I dont even know how this happened.

fear #2

One of the craziest things I fear is sleep. I love sleeping. I wish I did it more, but I find it hard to do it. I always feel if I'm sleeping that I'm going to miss something important. Questions start floating in my head wondering what sleep actually looks and feels like. Where does all the time go? What will I be dreaming of? Why don't I remember any of it?

But my biggest issue with is sleep, is the fact that I never know if I'll wake up the next morning. I start to fall asleep and sometimes my mind just rushes to what will happen to me when I finally die. When its finally over and everything I've ever done is out in the open. What will happen to me then.

And when I think of that I usually sit up, and turn on the tv.

this time

Made another layout. Didn't really have a choice. I wanted one with three columns, so when the ads finally get put up they won't bother anyone. The only reason for the ads is maybe a way to make some chump change. There's really no way for me to get a campus job, since we have all these cutbacks now, and the one I want I'll have to wait til my 19th birthday next month to apply for.

Hope you like the new layout. Come chat with on Aim, Yahoo, or MSN (southern.inebriation@live.com). And I'm still trying to figure out whether or not to post about my outing to this little sex party. Nothing major really happened, but I think the world may want to know.

charcoal dreams

I'm coming apart at the seams. Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams. Now buzz, buzz, buzz. Doc, there's a hole where something was. Doc, there's a hole where something was.

Fell out of bed, butterfly bandage, but don't worry. You'll never remember, your head is far too blurry. Put him in the back of a squad car restrain that man he needs his head put through a catscan. Hey editor, I'm undeniable! Hey doctor, I'm certifiable!

But back to the real point of this post. I'm officially an art student now and someone asked me to post some of the stuff I've been doing in class, so I figured I could oblige. They are nothing too great, but I'm actually proud at how well they turned out. Especially since I have drawn in ages and my least favorite medium is charcoal. Its just so hard to erase and then it gets everywhere.

This is the first thing we drew in class. It was the first day and our instructor placed random items in the center of the classroom and told us to draw. It was up to us what we used and how we used it. She didn't say anything, and let us have free reign.

I'm quite happy with how it turned out. My favorite thing about the drawing is the actual table cloth. I just like how it looks like its actually moving, and it was the last thing I drew. Only took about five minutes but its my favorite thing about the piece.

Day 2. We actually had instructions for the second day. We couldn't use graphite, but were forced to use charcoal, so here is my first charcoal drawing since my eleventh grade art class. It turned out a lot better than I expected. The only thing I wish I could change are all the hard lines I made. Usually when I draw I sketch out the edges of objects and then flesh them out. This is difficult to do with charcoal, which is why a lot of the items have hard strokes in them but overall I'm happy with it.

Day 3. This piece is far from finished, but its my favorite of the three. Again she gave us specific instructions for our drawings for this day also. We had to use charcoal again, but instead of working from a white background we had to tint our paper. So basically you color the page until its some shade of gray or black and instead of drawing you erase to start forming shapes, and then you can add more black or erase more.

I like this one the most because it doesn't have all the hard edges as the other one. You can tell where the light was shining and where it wasn't. My favorite area of this piece are the two rectangle boxes on the right hand side. I spent a little time working on them, to make them be fully fleshed out.

This piece is far from done, but I had little under two hours to do it. My teacher wanted me to try and do a full piece, and get away from the geometrical shapes and cropping I usually do. So she placed a chicken figurine and a big shell bowl in my eyesight so I would have no choice to draw it. But as you can see I never got that far, but you can see a small outline of them.

my president is...

No one ever told me that Bush was actually a very funny guy. I think after his Presidency ends he should seriously think about a career in comedy. Maybe get a thirty minute sitcom. I think it would be ratings gold.

sex party

Its five o'clock in the morning and I still haven't fallen asleep. I guess that was for the best because about five minutes ago I get a text from a number I don't recognize. I open it and it turns out to be Guy 2, from the other day.

Yo J, a friend of mine is throwin a sex party tomorrow night at 10. It be hot if you could show up. Just hit me up for the location if you're interested.

Hmm. Sex party in Athens. Four words I never thought I would ever use together. Maybe Atlanta, but never Athens. Now I'm 95 percent sure I won't be going. I'm 5 percent sure that I want to go. But I'm 100 percent sure that if I did go, I would not be participating in any of the events, no matter how welcoming they may look.

Now the funny thing about this whole situation is the fact that I've always wanted to go to a sex party. I really think it would be fun. Plus I've always had a fantasy of being in the middle of an orgy. More like a wet dream. But the funniest thing about this is I swear the girl across the hall from me was having a gang bang in her room tonight. I can't say for certain, but I saw her and four random guys(that I've never seen before) go into her room and they didn't leave until an hour ago.

I can't say for a fact that were fucking. But if they were I'm just a little upset and disappointed I didn't get an invite. Maybe this is the universe's way of doing right by me to make up for her rudeness. Its something to think about.

newest crush

I dont know if you've been watching the newest Real World, but its actually turning out to be a good season. So far its been less about hooking up and getting drunk, and more about real people, real problems, and chasing your dreams. Plus there's my newest crush JD. It might be the body or it might be the fact that he can fill up a Magnum XL condom, and the last time I had one of those in my ass I was literally in heaven.

secret #5

I have a speech impediment.

Not to many people know this about me, but its been a problem for me my entire life. Before I started grade school I would go to a speech pathologist twice a week, to try and fix the problem. And after seeing one for over six years the problem has mostly been fixed.

This is actually one of the main reasons why IV and I were so close when we were younger. IV also has a speech impediment, but his is different from mine. Its not really a problem for me anymore, but there are times when I have to stop. Take a breath. And restate what I was trying to say.

I guess the biggest effect it has had on my life would be that fact that I don't use my first name because of it. My speech impediment is with "r" words and the "er" sound. Instead of saying water or cheater I would say watah or cheetah. And if a word started with a "r" when I said it, the sound would come out as a "w" which is why I never use my first name.

To this day I still cannot say it without sounding like a London bloke., which is very difficult in college. While my professors in my lecture classes may no me by my first name, I have to texplain to my partners why I write one name, but use another.

textbooks

I know a lot of people who read the blog are in college so I decided to share a link for cheap textbooks. I wish I would have known about the site before now, but I know for the next three years. I bought all my books this semester from Amazon, and got them a lot cheaper than anywhere in town. Chegg is also good. I haven't used it, but my roommate is renting all his books from them this semester. Its like Nexflick for books.

today was a good day

Today was a good day.

Woke up at nine and didn't have any hot water, no problem. Got dressed and headed to my first art class of the day. Today we drew once again, but we had to use charcoal. I hate charcoal, but I was proud of my drawing it shocked me how well it turned out. Maybe I can actually be a world renown artists. Highly doubtful, but maybe.

Left drawing and walked across the street to go to a dining hall. I had a quick snack and found the girl who was selling me her clicker. Some useless item that I will use three or four times in biology class, costs $55 in the bookstore, bought it from the girl for $20. Today was a good day.After buying the clicker I headed back to the art school for color composition. Al was there, and he actually looked good today, we even ate lunch after class together. Today was a good day.

Didn't make a doctor's appointment. Haven't done my homework. And haven't done my character sketch for english, but I made it through a fire drill and talk to some cool people online.

First I talked to G, from Doomed but Cheerful last night. He's a really cool guy. Has a great blog. And the type of guy I wish my father was like. I'm really looking forward to getting to know him better.

And then there's Peyton, from GaySnowboarder. I think he's my new internet crush and future husband. I hope he doesn't mind me saying this but he's my new boyfriend. I don't think he knows what he's getting himself into, because I fall in love fast and hard, lol. But more seriously he's another cool guy. I also look forward to knowing him better, but the kicker is he actually snowboards. I don't know why it never really clicked with me before, but it blows my mind that he can snowboard and surf. I mean what more can you ask for in a guy. Now I just have to work on the six pack before he wifes me up.

But talking to these guys really has me wanting to talk to more people who follow or randomly read my blog. So here it is my two IM's.

yahoo: directorj08

AIM: inebriated2008

If you're ever bored just hit me up on one or the other, I'm usually logged on to them when I'm not in class. Or just shoot me an email at lyfe255754@gmail.com

Damn I almost forgot. The whole point of this post was to say that I broke whatever it was me and Redcoat had off this afternoon. I'm too young to keep waiting for a guy when there's a million people in the world around me. We're just going to be friends instead.

Today was a good day.

its starting

Today marks the one month mark before my birthday and I can feel myself already getting sicker. My nose is running, my heart hurts or maybe its my chest, and I have an itch at the back of my throat that won't go away. The sickness is right on time. Now the only problem is figuring out if this is my birthday sickness or just some random "you dumbass is was 30 degrees outside and you wore shorts" sickness. I'm leaning for the latter, but hoping for the birthday one. I need to get it out of the way now, because come my big 19 I will be without my insurance and will have to pay for medicine at the school pharmacy, until my moms switches me over to her insurance.

call the shots?

Does anyone know what happened to my favorite blog Call the Shots. It just disappeared into thin air and this is the second blog I actively read that has gone missing this week.

update

nevermind i found the blog, it has a new url.

makeout

The most random thing just happened to me. I get on a bus and fifteen minutes later I'm making out with some random guy, who I've never met, while his friends are around just heckling him on. A little sluttish of me maybe, but it was fun while it was happening, just horrible timing.

After I was done with classes I decided to walk to the store. I got there, but didn't want to walk back so instead I decided to catch a bus. I hop on one of the city buses that stop on campus and the first thing I here as I'm stepping on are three guys. I can instantly tell that these three guys were gay from the way they were talking. Their subject matter didn't really hide the fact either.

Guy 1, cute. Guy 2, he can get it. Guy 3 FAIL is all I could think as I walked by, looked guy 2 in the eyes, and even bumped him a little. I don't know if he caught the hint or just wanted to sit someplace new, but moments later him and his friends were making their way towards my seat in the back of the bus.

The bus was basically empty. I was in the back, this Asian chick was in the middle of the bus with an old white man behind her, but nobody else seemed to notice the three guys making their way towards the back of the bus where I was. Lucky me. Guy 1 and Guy 3 sat across from each other, while Guy 2 made a point to sit beside me. I don't know what we were talking about, but my mind was in a completely different place.

Are these guys really hitting on me right now? Do I look that loose. Do I look gay? Just random things began filling my head, but beneath it all was just an innate joy. I've never been hit on by a guy before in my life. The guys that hit on me in high school were basically friends, and it was in a joking way, except for one guy. But he doesn't count. So when these guys were spittin' game at me I couldn't help but smile and laugh the whole time.

"So you get down?" Guy 2 asked.

"Get down, you mean do I dance," I replied in a dumb, not knowing way.

"Nah, nah I mean do you fuck wit dudes" he said as he put his hands on my legs.

"Oh, oh do I fuck with dudes. I don't know, I could make an exception for you though."

His guys erupted with laughter and I guess they thought this was their in too, because they asked if I'd make an exception for them. Guy 1 yea, Guy 3 probably not I told them. I guess I offended Guy 3, because he started running off at the mouth before Guy 2 cut him off, apologized to me for his friend, and started shoving his tongue down my throat, instantly causing a scene from the loud noises his friends began making.

"Damn" I thought, "I'm on a fuckin' bus, making out with some random guy in front of his two friends, an Asian chick, a bus driver, and an old man. What the hell would K think of me if she saw me now?"

Slut.

But more importantly what would the moms think if she saw her innocent young son acting a fool in public. I didn't care. I felt good. I felt liberated. I felt, for lack of a better word, special. This was the closest I've come to being "out" and it didn't feel as bad as you may think it would be.

My stop was coming up so I pulled away from Guy 2 and explained I was about to get off. I gave him my number and told him he could call me sometime and if he ever wanted to "get together" he could call me, and maybe even bring his friend. I think I made it too blatantly obvious that I was easy, because Guy 3 yelled out ho as I walked off the bus. Oh well, I doubt I'll be hearing from them again anyway.

Now the bad timing comes in the fact that, after seeing Al again in our history class I began thinking that maybe I should wait for Redcoat, because as sexy as Al looked the first day we met, he's slowly losing that sex appeal. Maybe the fact that we're becoming better friends and I see him more than anyone else during the week is another reason. Either way I don't see myself messing around with Al ever.

So after coming to that conclusion I was ready to sit back and wait for Redcoat to tell me what he wanted from our relationship since he knows where I stand. Now I'm wondering. If this guy should call, and we happen to get together, am I obligated to tell Redcoat. We aren't official, and we've never been exclusive so would this even matter to him.

I don't know. I've never been really good with relationships. The longest running relationship I've had was with K. And it as a whole is just some weird, dysfunctional, best friends, fuck me baby, i love you, i hate you too relationship that has been an ongoing thing in my life for the last seven years.

liz lemon says suck it

art school diaries

School is going really great. Everything has turned out a lot better than expected. I have another new friend now also. So life is turning around. Another unexpected surprise I had today was that AL magically appeared in my Color/Composition today so now I get to see him five days a week instead of two.

Life is really turning around for me.

roommate

My roommate doesn't watch tv.

My roommate snores.

And

My roommate talks in his sleep.

I just have one question, why me?

afterthought

There are time when I just feel like the world is crashing down around me, but at this moment I feel like everything is going to be all right. I just heard my friend, K, song. When we were younger she use to always rap and sing and write, but its been a while since I've heard her do any of that. Its been at least three or four years, but I heard a song that she was rapping on five minutes ago and it brought back so many memories.

This is our year. And I plan on making the best of it.

impatient

The worst thing about me is my lack of patience. I just don't have any and it may be the reason why I'm always getting in trouble. Take me and Redcoat for example.

We've known each other now for a few months. We have a lot in common. We like each other. And all together we could probably have something great together. I mean he's the kind of guy I would take home to moms. I would come out the closet, shout to the world, and exclaim my undying love for this guy, but there's a problem.

He's holding back.

I don't know what it is, but he's moving way too slow for me. I mean lets be earnest here. The last time we were together we had two hours of some of the greatest sex I ever had, and there wasn't even any penetration. He gave me not one, but two thumbs up and said I gave him the best blowjob of his entire 19 years of existence.

What more must I do before we take the next step. I'm on the fence right now. I haven't had sex in two weeks and my balls are turning blue. I'm not to the point where I'm tired of waiting, but I'm getting a little antsy and impatient, but not to the point where I'm ready to start having sex with random guys again. So I ask, when will I know whether I should wait or move on?

no seriously

I think I'm falling in love with Katy Perry. She makes me laugh, and thats all I really want from life.

to laugh

katy

You think you know, but you have no idear. from Katy Perry on Vimeo.

Katy Perry is totally wifey material. I never knew she looked so good before. Did you see her in the car. Damn. Damn. Damn.

introductions

When I first started this blog I was in a transitional phase in my life. I had just graduated from high school a few months earlier, I was a college freshman not living up to my fullest potential, and I was finally on my own. Something I told myself I always wanted, but found out maybe that wasn't what I needed.

My whole life has been failure, after failure, after failure in my eyes. I was never good enough. No matter what anyone told me, in my eyes I was never good enough. The things that I always wanted or felt I deserved I never got, so early on I stopped reaching for things. It was just simple things. I stopped making goals. I stopped asking for things. I just stopped, and as I look back I don't think that was a good decision.

So when I came to the university I was alone. I only knew one person, and we weren't the closest people in the world, so all I had was myself and my alcoholic roommate. Not a good combination at all. My classes were kicking my ass, and on more than one occasion I truly thought the worst was going to happen.

All I could visualize was failing my classes, losing my scholarship, and being forced to go back to my hometown and disappoint all of the people who were foolish enough to believe in me. How dare they do that. Didn't they know that I always disappoint. That I'm worthless. I guess they never got the memo.

So in my many low points during the semester I did the one thing that I knew I excelled at. I had sex. Lots and lots of sex. I've written about some of my sexual escapades, but most of them I decided not to write about because I'm not proud of them. Whenever I felt lonely or depressed I would pick up my phone or get online and find one of the guys I was usually with and set something up.

When I was with them none of my problems did not exist. The only thing on my mind was how long could I make this last. How hard could I get his dick. How long can I suck him before he cums on my face. How rough can I get him to fuck me in the ass. All I wanted was a dick in my mouth and in my ass and I was the happiest guy in the world, but was I really?

I can absolutely say right now that I was unhappy. I really was. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted. I just didn't know what I was doing or where I was headed so I stopped. I packed up my bags, bought some black & milds, and found a hotel and stayed there for two days. I can't really say what happened in the room, but I left with a clear mind.

Things are better now. I know what I want from life and I plan on getting it. School is fun now, a little expensive, but fun. Art classes are going great, met a couple of more people, and the roommate is basically a repeat of the last one minus the alcoholic part. All in all things are going great so it is with great pleasure I introduce myself, again.

Hi! I'm J. And I'm happy with myself and where I'm headed.

I wanted to put my full name up, butt decided against it for one simple reason. I wouldn't say I'm a paranoid guy, but in the back of my mind the first time I put my name on this blog I'm sure someone I know will find the blog. I really don't care if someone finds out, I'm just worried about Dummy.

If you know me, then you probably know that I was closest to Dummy and N(this other girl in my portuguese class). I guess because we were the three "country" people. I mean N lives less than thirty minutes away from where I grew up and we have a lot of the same friends. So if they discover me then they'll discover Dummy and I just care too much for him for him to end up getting hurt over something as trivial as us having sex once or twice.

Hell the guy is getting married in August. And guess who's the best man. I'll give you a hint his name starts with a J.

p.s. J isn't my real name, but all my friends call me J I just don't know if they spell it J, Jay, Jai, Jaye, or J.A. lol

corbin

Just wanted to post this. He looks a lot better than he did than the last time I saw him in High School Musical 2.

eleven/eleven

Does anyone else believes in the whole 11:11 idea. Where if you make a wish at 11:11 your wish will come true. I never did, but D got my hooked on it again. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Maybe it depends on the magnitude of the wish, because my wish for world peace still hasn't happened yet.

Either way next time 11:11 rolls around you should make a wish. Something about me is prefitable,lol.

so much better

2009 really is going to be my year. I just feel like everything is falling into place piece by piece. I just got back from my first day of classes and all I can say is I'm tired. Being happy and trying to socialize with your classmates is very tiring. No wonder I never put any effort into it before.

So far all my classes are starting on a high note this semester. My art history professor is so fucking sexy and has an ass of a god, too bad he's such an ass. He went on a ten minute tirade on how he will and won't answer emails from any source other than our school email account. Even told us how to format the email and if it wasn't in that format then we'd be lucky if he didn't delete it.

But in that same class I found my new crush for the semester. His name is Al and he's an Asian skateboarder. Like me he just changed his major to Art, so we might have more classes together. He's also a freshman. There's just something about him that made want to get to know him. It might've been the pink band-aid on his cheek(he busted his eye while skateboarding over the break) and the matching pink earphones he was wearing. Guess I'll never know, but as long as I can look at him every Tuesday/Thursday I'm okay.

My other two classes seem like they'll be fun and my english professor is a total wack job, but I'm okay with that.

roommate

I finally mad it back to school after a five hour drive on the many highways. I learned a great lesson to. Don't always believe what you read on facebook. My new roomate isn't a London bloke, he's American. I'm American. And we're not that interesting.

The first hour was very awkward. We kinda just sat and did our own thing. No talking. No whispering. Just silence and the conversations of the eight new roommates on real world brooklyn. It could have been worse, but it definately wasn't one of the many conversations I pictured in my head.

Things did get better once we started talking. He seems like a cool guy. We should get along pretty well, and I want to come out to him someday soon. I've made my ruling and in my mind, body, and soul he's gay or atleast bisexual like myself. So I feel if I can come out to him, then he can come out to me and I can finally be open with myself. Hell maybe we can share porn. But he doesn't look like the porn type of guy. He looks like the intellectual kids that always make me feel dumb. Unless I have on my glasses, that way I can pretend to be smart too.

I finally talked to Redcoat again. I think I still like him, I miss his face though. There was just something about it, probably the eyes. They just kept calling to me. But there may be a problem now. He also has a new roommate, and we're thinking he's also attracted to the same sex. Redcoat was playing NCAA and his roomie just kept watching him play. And when I say watching I mean gawking at my future lover.

I think I might have to go shoot somebody on my first night back in town. Definately not a good look.

espn

I'm not really a huge sports fan. It usually starts and stops at tennis, but this is great television.

todays the big day

Its finally here. In less than 12 hours I will be back in my dorm room and meeting the new roomie. I'm actually kinda excited and have played out how the day will go. Most of them end with me with my mouth wide open giving my first blow job to a london bloke. But I'm sure that won't happen. A guy can wish, right.

SO how do you like the new look. Its different, but I kinda like it this way. There are still a few things I haven't quite figured out yet, so its far from done.

hi world

Hello world. This is another meaningless post. Basically my life has no meaning now, but I'm working on that. School is just around the corner so that should be exciting. I'm just bored and have nothing to do. So I want to write where I'm at now.

I haven't really had any urges to jerk off as of late. I haven't had sex since December and haven't played with the guy for at least a week. I don't know why. Just haven't really felt the need or had the energy. Does this make me asexual now or have I finally got my problem under control. I haven't even visited any of my usual online sites to see if any guys have left me a message. Guess I've finally put that energy into something useful.

I've been photoshopping and writing heavily lately. I think I'm getting pretty good too. I've also been listening to a lot of music and watching tv and movies. I'm currently up to season 3 with Charmed, caught up with all my guilty pleasure shows; ie Gossip Girl, 90210, One Tree Hill, and I just finished watching The Women.

Theres really not much to say about it. It was good, nothing extroadinary. Just good. My favorite scene was the last one of the movie when Debra Messing's character is having a baby. It might just be because love her. Hated her in Will and Grace, but loved her in everything she's done afterwards. I also liked how they drastically played out the showing of the only male in the movie. The baby. I understand what they were trying to do the whole time, but I felt not atleast showing the cheating husband kinda, sorta hurt the movie. But it was still good. Just not worth 7.50 of my hard found money.

Back to the music. I've found some really interesting music this week. Oracular Spectacular for one, but I've also rediscovered some music. Something in me wanted to reconnect with my youth. Guess everything was easier then. So I went and downloaded all my teeny bobber music, but just the core. Britney, Christina, NSYNC, and Backstreet. Never was a fan of any of those copy catters. I'm talking to you 98, Mandy, LFO, Jessica, but Take My Breath Away was my jam for a few days. I think I was in love with K for the first time when it hit.

But by downloading all of that music I realized something. Britney is really the shit. I mean of the four all of her music really stands the test of time. I think NSYNC got worse over time. The only good songs on Celebrity was "Gone," "Pop" just doesn't stand the test of time. Backstreet was great then, and they still are. I must say I like the music better now than then, but it still doesn't compare to Britney.

Christina's music is just whatever works at the moment. I guess thats why I never liked her too much. First she was this all innocent genie that I could rock with. Then she went and discovered her spanish roots and I was confused, but didn't care. Christmas albums are eh and then she came back and was all "that first album wasn't me, I did what I was told, but this is who I really am." I gave her a real chance and I fell in love with everything Stripped. I was like okay, so at heart you're a little dirrty whore, who has a soft side. That was cool with me, and then she disappeared for a while and came back as a whole new person again.

I can understand needing to reshape your image so consumers aren't bored, but can you please stop doing drastic shifts. I never fully understood the whole 40s, 50s, 60s Christina but "Aint No Other Man" was a nice track but everything else was garbage sans "Still Dirrty" ofcourse. And now she's this futuristic chick. Too bad Lady GaGa does it better.

Which brings me to Britney. She's always been the one that I paid the most attention to and I feel she's the best. I've enjoyed all her albums and she still delivers hit albums. I think her image has evolved as she's gotten older and the most dramatic shift she made was bleaching her hair blonde. The only thing I can say negative is I use to love the "Britney" album, but after today I think its the worst of the bunch while In The Zone has to be amongst her best work.

Okay this was longer than I expected, but I'm not sleepy and I kinda look like a werewolf. Gotta get a new haircut today. The last one was during Thanksgiving, but my hair stops growing after a while. Strange huh.

A new layout will be up sometime tomorrow. Im tired of the black and a new header so I'm working on something now. Most of it will be up by nightfall, but little tweaks will be added whenever I get them figured out.

I guess thats it for tonight, well morning.

just sayin

I have less than three days to fix my sleeping habits.

Staying up til 6 in the morning is just unacceptable for a guy who has 9 o'clock classes twice a week. Damn I really miss semester one.

fafsa bitches

Its that time of the year. With every new year comes a new FAFSA form to feel out, and I'm a little late on mine. Last year time it said 12:01 on January 1 I was logged on to the site. Started feeling it out, and after we filed our taxes went back and changed it.

This year I haven't done it yet. Other things have been on my mind. But I will get to it before the month is out, but I havent figured out how I'm going to do it. Last year my mother worked two jobs to support 2 1/2 kids and only made 39,000. I also had a part time job to take care of all my expenses. You know the gas, the food, the art supplies, the school supplies, and all the shit you have pertain to senior year(prom/graduation/etc) yet I didn't qualify for the Pell Grant. We missed it by like 20 points.

A bunch of bull if you ask me. Had it been any other year I would have gotten it. Well I really need it this year. So I'm trying to figure out the best way to do it this year, and leaning towards claiming myself as an independent. Its basically the truth. I've basically been on my own since graduation. I'm putting myself through college and pay for all my expenses. So it shouldn't be a problem.

Guess I'll cross that bridge when the W2's come in the mail.

secret #4

It took years for me to get up enough courage to start driving. My dad got in an accident once and I guess I caught his fear. The first time I ever drove by myself it was raining. I was on my way to work and my wipers were acting up. I went to press the breaks and they wouldn't stop. I pressed again, and again, and again. Finally the car stopped as another car came rushing over the railroad track.

This image crosses my mind everytime it rains and Im driving.

music survey

I found this survey in some forum I frequent, and thought I should post it here so at the end of the year I can see how big my music library has grown or shrunk.

How many songs total: 3856
How many hours or days of music: 9 da.9ys.

Sort by song title
First Song: About You Now(Acoustic)-Sugababes
Last Song: 9mm (feat. Akon, Lil Wayne & Snoop Dogg) - David Banner

Sort by time
Shortest Song: Crunk Town(interlude)-Ciara
Longest Song: Little Me(Just Yesterday) Britney Spears

Sort by album
First album: Acoustic Sessions Vol. I- Boyce Avenue
Last album: 98 Degrees & Rising - Ultimate- Aaliyah

Top Five Most Played Songs
1. I Hate This Part- Pussycat Dolls
2. This Is Love- Kelly Rowland
3. Womanizer- Britney Spears
4. Right Here(Departed)- Brandy
5. Little Bit (Remix) (feat. Lykke Li) - Drake

First song that comes up on shuffle: Umbrella(The Lindbergh Palace Remix)- Rihanna ft. Jay-Z

Search the following and state how many songs come up
Death - 6
Life - 33
Love - 331
Hate - 34
You - 541
Sex - 51

curious case

Today has been another slow, relaxing day of nothingness. I caught the Curious Case of Benjamin Button and finally understand why women and some men swoon over him. They're was this was shot when him and his wife were just doing what married people do in their duplex without furniture and it just made me fall in love with him. I've never found him sexy before, but in that moment I understood. I have to find a picture of it to share.

The movie was great, but for me Taraji P. Henson stole the movie. I'm just glad that she's finally gotten out of that whole "black comedy" stage and is now doing more serious roles. From this to her roles in Cadillac Records, Jamie Foxx's new video, and guest starring role on Eli Stone I'm really excited to see what she does next.

I also discovered MGMT today and Oracular Spectacular has been on constant repeat in my down time. Great album, everybody should go pick it up.

But on a side note I'm starting to hate my new roommate before I even meet him. He's going to the Britney Spears "Circus" concert when it hits Atlanta in March.

So.

Not.

Fair.

life just got a whole lot better

I don't know what just happened, but something just hit me. I've been working on a movie script over the break. I've laid the foundation and now just have to come up with the details and some meaningful words, but it just hit me. I'm going in the completely wrong direction.

The movie I was making is completely wrong for the world right now. It was all about this confused college boy who just told his girlfriend he loved her and they finally had sex in an art gallery where she surprised him with all his artwork being displayed. Then out of no where here comes his college professor who comes in his life and flips it upside down.

The guy is basically alone and he feels everyone leaves him so when the professor shows up he basically falls for this guy and thus begins the end of the main characters life. Eventually all the shit hits the fan, the guy loses his girlfriend, catches the professor fucking his best friend, pushes his brother away, and tries to take his life but someone finds him before its over.

It would never be made and would work better as a book. In my mind it was someone between a Cruel Intentions and a Brokeback Mountain but for now I'm putting it on the back burner and moving forward with the idea that just came to me. I don't know why, but I really feel that I will do something big this year.

I guess you really do get better with age.

things may be looking up

Maybe 2009 won't be as bad as I thought it was. Last night I did some investigative reporting on the new roommate. All I had was his name and location so that made it a little tough. I asked some friends if they knew him, but no one did. So I took the logical step.

Copied his email address down, opened up facebook, and searched. And there he was. But his page was locked so all I saw was his face. The next step was to go to myspace. I felt it was a longshot. I mean I haven't used myspace since I graduated from high school, but this time his page was open to the public, and I think he might just be what I've been looking for. A gay best friend.

I can't say for certain that he's gay, but I'm leaning towards the idea for a couple of reasons.

Reason #1

• He had 87 friends, but only three of them were guys. I tried to get into their pages but they were all private. This doesn't mean he's gay at all, but its been my experience that straight guys would have atleast a few guys in their top friends. I'm bi and I have a lot of girl friends but I also have a lot of guy friends too.

Reason #2

• His page and pictures are filled with the likes of Kylie Minogue, and the Saturdays, and he has nothing but photoshopped pictures of Lily Allen and himself. Again this doesn't make him gay, but makes me think he is. I use to have an unhealthy obsession with Britney and use to cut out her pics in magazine but damn. If you see the page then you would think the same.

Reason #3

• There's a spot where you can put your sexual orientation on your page. His is mysteriously not there. Again this doesn't make him gay, but its been my experience that if its not there then you're probably gay. Mine says straight and I'm anything but straight so it could be that he missed the box but it makes me think.

So I'm hoping with all my guts that this London bloke is gonna be gay. I could use that and I kinda want him to be out, because if I ever plan to come out to the world I need someone to kinda push me out there cause after everything that happened to K I'm a lot scared to do it by myself.

secret #3

Every time I see a red Neon driving down the road i scream FAT BITCH smile and then think of everything we did in that red Neon.

mother dearest

I'm not really feeling the mother right now. She made me promise her that I would go downtown with her today, yet she's no where to be found. You see my mother is a slick one, and she has everybody fooled except me.

Today is her only day off until she takes me back to school on Wednesday so she said she wanted to spend time with me before I left. I was cool with that, I haven't been out of the house since the trip home. But yesterday we got a surprise visit from my two Aunts and baby cousin. This is where everything changed.

Since they were here it meant that there was someone to take care of my grandmother while my other Aunt(the one my mother stays with) could go get her hair done. Now she may have gone to get her hair done, but five hours later she calls and tells us she's in Vidalia the onion capitol off the world. How did she get all the way there when she was suppose to be getting her hair done.

Suspicious.

Well her "boyfriend" met her there and she called to tell us she was spending the night. When I asked her what happened to our plans she said she changed he mind.

Thats cool, but people wonder why I never call my family. Its because they always disappoint me.

seven pounds

When it comes to movies few have made me cry.

• the Lion King, when I finally realized Moufassa was dead
• Hard Ball, when they shot Baby in a drive by
• Finding Nemo, when everyone died except for Nemo and his dad Marlin

And now Seven Pounds. There was just this moment where everything clicked in my head and it just felt like a moment to cry. Seven Pounds is a great movie and is now my favorite Will Smith movie. I loved everything about this movie and recommend it for everyone.

I'm usually not a fan of quiet movies or shows(movies or shows that dont constantly have background noises or music happening during the scene) but this one is an exception. I even liked how they paced the movie. It started from the end, but they didn't tell you that. And his dreams/nightmares were placed in the right spot.

Movies like this are always my favorite. I guess I like having those "damn I know what happens next" moments. Now if I can only get through the 2 hours and 43 minutes of Benjamin Button, my day would be complete.

just wondering

I swear after this I'm turning my laptop off and going to sleep so I can be fully refreshed for the second day of this glorious year. But I'm just wondering.

What if my roommate left me because he found out that I had sex on his bed while he was at home visiting his girlfriend. Either that or he found my Folsom's Prison porno and watched it by mistake while looking for the Pineapple Express dvd. Just saying, they both look the same and I did come back to the room one night and there were two dvds laying on my floor.

So maybe.

Or maybe I'm just overthinking it.

Or am I?

Maybe.

I wonder what Lush is doing right now?

Probably drunk.

lol.

I'm going to sleep now. See you guys around two or three when the sun is finally up.

secrets 1 and secret 2

I've decided since I've reached a 100 post landmark and over 2000 visitors that I will share 100 secrets with the world. Most of them may not be secrets, but its not something that most people would know about me unless.

secret 1

• I have unusually large feet. I can't go to a store and buy shoes, I have to buy them from the Eastbay catalogue, but I can wear a size 14 in the classic K-Swiss shoe, which has become my shoe of choice. I have atleast three pair in black and in white.

Secret 2

• As I said before I don't get sick during the year. If I do its usually just a 24 hour bug or the common cold, but there's something about the month a February especially the week of and before my birthday. I'm usually sick as a dog then. All my hospital visits have always been in this time period. And being this is my first time away from home during the month I wonder how I'll make it through. Maybe I'll get lucky and will get something like bronchitis. That I can handle.
  

celibacy

Just wanted to tell everyone that I'm still celibate. Yay me, I really didn't think I could do it, but so far I'm doing great. I've found that whenever I get my "urges" its better to channel that energy into something productive and it seems to work.

I've started working with photoshop a lot more, and may even post some of the things I've made. I finally finished my short story that I started writing two years ago. Its only a little over 800 words, but I've been writing it for the last two years and finally got it to a point where I was satisfied with it that I even submitted it to a literary journal at my school. So we'll have to wait and see if its gets published. It would mean a lot for me to be able to call myself a published author. Published journalist just isn't what my high school teacher made it out to be, but atleast she pushed me in this direction.

I've also been hard at work on my movie script and I'm currently working on a documentary thats been 16 years in the making. I gave myself til the summer of 2010 for it to be completed, but the movie is on a tighter schedule. I want atleast a rough draft of it completed before Spring Break. I finally nailed down the plot, all the characters, an how it ends. I just haven't decided whether I want the main character to die or not. I'm not one to advocate suicide for the simple fact its too close to my heart, but I'm all for a shocking ending. I've basically laid down the foundations so far in the movie and now all the shit is about to hit the fan so that should be fun o write.

But the main reason for my celibacy pact is I'm ready for some type of relationship and I wouldn't mind if it was with Redcoat. But the way its looking thats not going to happen. Its been about a week and a half since we've actually had a conversation and even longer since we've seen each other. Yet I keep finding myself thinking about our last day together. So this is just adding to my anxiety about going back to school in a couple of days.

But I'm sure all the pieces will fall into place. My life usually doesn't fall apart in the first few days of the year. That is usually saved for February when my birthday hits and then the drama comes, my life blows up in my face, and I have to deal with the fact that I am usually on the verge of death.

100th post

I think this is my 100th post so I thought it would be a great time to introduce my new crush. I just have this thing for dancing blondes.

caught off guard

Have you ever been caught off guard that when you finally find out something it feels like you've been trampled over by a stampede of wildebeest and a herd of cows. Well thats how I'm feeling right now. I'm in a state of confusion and shock and now my headache is back. All because I got an email saying I'm your new roommate for the spring semester.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Me and my old roommate wasn't the closest of people, but we didn't hate each other. We talked whenever we were free, we even ate lunch and bonded over our dysfunctional families once. My mom even bought him fuckin' ravioli whenever she would bring us groceries on holidays. So what happened to make him decide that he didn't want to be my roommate. He didn't even tell me he was thinking about switching rooms.

The only thing I can possibly think of is that he dropped out of college, or failed a few classes and decided to hold off on the spring semester. Thats the only logical explanation in my head. We were both having a hard time at the beginning of the semester and he even dropped below the required 12 hours to be considered a full time student, which is required for on campus living. So maybe thats why I have a new roommate. I don't know I just wish someone would had told me sooner.

I guess if anything good was to come out of this it would be that he would be gay. I boy can wish right, but knowing my luck he won't be. I don't know anything about this guy except he's from London and I know his name.

This isn't making me want to go back to school next week, its only bringing back feelings from the Summer when I first learned who my roommate was. My head hurts. I think I'm turning in early.

First a concussion. Now a new roommate. Doesn't look like 2009 is going to be easy on me. Maybe I should go eat those black eye peas for good luck.

update

This isn't a real post, but I haven't posted anything about my two future ex-wives. As you can see their albums are both doing extremely well and are in the top three of the charts. The only thing I can't figure out is whose still buying Taylor Swift's album. This chick has been in the top spot bout fiftyleven times and she's still up there. More power to her. I'm not a big country fan, but I still fucks with Carrie Underwood and my Tim McGraw and Garth Brooks. I will giver her this, WHite Horse and Love Story is my shit right now.

goals for the year

Its officially 2009 which means its no longer my year anymore. New layout. New mistakes. New goals. Same ol' Inebriation.

Goals For 2009

1. Follow the 10 Steps to Improving Your Photoshop Skills
2. Finish script
3. Write more
4. Draw more
5. Buy a camera
6. Make new friends
7. Get in shape
8. Play more tennis
9. Come out to my high school crush
10. Learn guitar
11. France
12. Get a car
13. Get a job
14. Spend money wisely
15. Make it through the year and continue blogging
16. Make my movie/documentary
17. Become best friends with the new roomie
    

Thats all I can think of now, but I'll add more as I think of them.