16 May 2009

soundtrack of my life-chasimg lights


I guess this is where I tell why the song means something to me. So bear with me. British music has never been something I've actively seeked out. There are a few that catch my ear, but they've all been more on the r&b/soulful side of Brtish music. The pop stars were never really my thing. S Club 7, yes, but I was seven then and they had a tv show so they were the only ones I fucked with. And maybe Spice Girls, but again I was seven, and they had a movie, and the girl I liked was in love with them. This same girl was also in love with Britney Spears, so you have her to blame for that. Her name was Brooke, and she had the most beautiful long brown hair, but this post isn't about her its about the Saturdays and Rick.

"Chasing Lights" by the Saturdays made me realize that maybe it is over between me and Rick. The past two weeks have been rough between us to say the least School let out, so we no longer saw each other everyday. I came to Savannah, and Rick went to Florida. Somethings happened, and basically Rick plans to move back to Mexico with his father for a year, and then continue with college next year.

Apart of me feels like maybe this is my fault. This is Rick's way of saying goodbye to me, before I say goodbye to him first. Either way I didn't think this would be the last chapter of me and Rick. Our relationship is hard to really explain. It came out of nowhere, and we both dived head first into it. I love dthis kid, and he loved me, no matter what anyone else says. What we had was real, and we fought for it everyday.

No matter how hard we tried to get away from each other we always ended up in each others arms. I got into my first fight because of this guy. I got in a fight over a guy. Thats one of the things I always told myself I would never do. I've seen so many of my friends get in fights over guys and I saw how stupid it looked, but there I was waging a war with one guy for Rick. No matter how much I told myself, and everyone else that I didn't want this guy, I did and in the end I got Rick back. There's so much shit that went down that I couldn't fit it in this one post, but a few people know what happened.

And thats why it hurts to finally realize that this is goodbye. I've been listening to this song for the past thirty minutes and it made me understand that Rick is gone. J and Rick are no more, and I guess I'm going to be okay with this. The time Rick and I spent together was always special, and I'll take those memories with me, but its time to finally say goodbye to Rick. To really let him go. Because we've said goodbye so many times, but we were still attached. We still did what we always did, but this time it has to be different. I can't hope that he's gonna tell me he's not going, I can't hope that he's gonna show up on my doorstep and tell me he's gonna be here tomorrow, I have to let him go. And he has to let me go.

So this is for Rick. And if you're reading this then just know you'll always have a spot in my heart. I love you kid. But we both have to move on.

I've been doing this my way, your way, our way, I can't make it work
When all I have is not enough
I've been doing all I can, my plan, your plan and all I get is hurt
This game we're playing has to stop

I've got you stuck in my head
And all you do is breaking me, I can't continue taking this
I've tried my best to understand
But I cannot make sense of you, I've got to take a stand and baby


Having technical difficulties, so until I can find a new way to embed he song here's the youtube clip.



curently listening to:Chasing Lights-the Saturdays

5 comments:

Aek said...

:( It's sad to see it end this way. But you know, sometimes you just have to turn the page to the next chapter. Your next chapter begins in CA, so it would've been goodbye anyway.

But, the universe is strange and mysterious. Who knows, perhaps you'll see each other again one day. :)

S said...

:[ but =) that your okay with it.

Maybe it's not goodbye, just bye for now.

I love the song. I still have "Never Had a Dream Come True."

J said...

never had a dream come true is the only song i have by them to

Seth said...

Sometimes, I suppose its best, and easier, to make a clean break, a final decision, and move on. And yes, perhaps one day you will come full circle and Rick will come around again.
*hug*

call.the.shots said...

Let's not forget that I'm the sweet ass bitch that introduced u and Rick to each other.