Aclose friend of mine just came out to his brothers and it made me think maybe its time that I came out to my two brothers, but then it hit me. What would be the point. I'm pretty sure my older brother knows that i have a tendency to sleep with guys and my younger brother is 14, and that should be reason enough to not tell him. Add in the fact that every time I see my little brother he's constantly telling me that some new celebrity is gay so imagine his reaction if he found out his little big brother is gay, because I don't even think he knows what bisexual means.
The thing with my older brother is this. We were really close as children. I have all these pictures of me and him being dressed up as twins. We were around the same age, looked alike, and my mom thought it was cute to dress us alike. Somewhere we hit puberty. He found his friends and I found mine. Then high school happened. I started messing with guys on a regular basis and I'm assuming he found out. I've heard him tell one or two of our mutual friends that I'm gay. Lucky for me they never seemed to believe him and I don't know if he believed it himself, but I think he does.
Which is why I don't think we get along. Me and my brother started going through a rough patch in our high school years. The littlest things would just set us off and we would just start fighting and for the most part these fights would last for the whole day. We would stop for a minute, and the next time we saw each other one of us would say something slick and the other would react. Then the whole gay thing started popping up. When I began to suspect that he knew I stopped talking to him. I wouldn't say hi, I wouldn't say good morning I just stopped speaking to him. I didn't want to say anything that would set him off or make him mad and for lack of a better word expose me. I can say I feared my older brother so I just stopped speaking to him unless I had to.
I can probably count the number of conversations me and my older brother have had in the past four years of our lives on my two hands, and people find that weird. But for me its normal. I still love my brother and I'm sure he still loves me, but we don't have that personal connection. Maybe one day we'll build that connection, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. The last time I talked to him was eleven months ago at graduation and we even hugged for a second and took a pic.
The thing with my older brother is this. We were really close as children. I have all these pictures of me and him being dressed up as twins. We were around the same age, looked alike, and my mom thought it was cute to dress us alike. Somewhere we hit puberty. He found his friends and I found mine. Then high school happened. I started messing with guys on a regular basis and I'm assuming he found out. I've heard him tell one or two of our mutual friends that I'm gay. Lucky for me they never seemed to believe him and I don't know if he believed it himself, but I think he does.
Which is why I don't think we get along. Me and my brother started going through a rough patch in our high school years. The littlest things would just set us off and we would just start fighting and for the most part these fights would last for the whole day. We would stop for a minute, and the next time we saw each other one of us would say something slick and the other would react. Then the whole gay thing started popping up. When I began to suspect that he knew I stopped talking to him. I wouldn't say hi, I wouldn't say good morning I just stopped speaking to him. I didn't want to say anything that would set him off or make him mad and for lack of a better word expose me. I can say I feared my older brother so I just stopped speaking to him unless I had to.
I can probably count the number of conversations me and my older brother have had in the past four years of our lives on my two hands, and people find that weird. But for me its normal. I still love my brother and I'm sure he still loves me, but we don't have that personal connection. Maybe one day we'll build that connection, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. The last time I talked to him was eleven months ago at graduation and we even hugged for a second and took a pic.
3 comments:
Maybe it's just not time yet for you to tell your brothers. I've always wondered if there was some kind of "sign" that's like, "Now's the time." Unfortunately, I have no answers.
i have a similar relationship with my brother. we're close, but we definitely don't call each other on the phone and talk about life or anything. i probably should though. but anyway, i decided to come out to him pretty recently actually. he said he'd already suspected and that it wouldn't change anything of course.
you never know, it might be the thing that brings you two closer together. or it'll be nothing and you won't have that thing to be scared of anymore. either way, for your older brother, i think you have more to gain than you have to lose in his case.
I have a half-brother I haven't seen for over 20 years. No animosity; we just went different ways. I am sad about that, and I would love to see him again, but I am not losing sleep over it.
If it's meant to happen, it probably will.
G =]
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