Today is Wednesday. I have an Art History midterm that I am nowhere near ready for. I have an essay that's due tomorrow. And I have a few gradient scales that I haven't completed. But, none of this matters to me. The only thing that mattered today was walking into Color Comp, snatching Al by the arms, and making mad passionate love to him while everyone watched. That's how bad I want this guy, but that's not the reality of my life.
The whole morning was building up to me telling Al how I felt. I wasn't scared, I was anxious and when I saw him limp in on a crutch my world just came crashing down. Fuck you snow! But, it wasn't the snow's fault. It was the damn basketball court's fault, but it was much easier to blame the snow. So for the next two hours that's what I did. I blamed the snow and tried to figure out how in the hell I was gonna tell him how I felt. I couldn't drop a bomb on this kid when he was in actual physical pain. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't, but somehow I did.
All the words that I had planned out escaped me when I needed them most. All that would come out were a few "uhs" and "ums" here and there, but eventually the words came out. And it felt damn good. Nervewrecking, but good.
"I like you, and I know you have a boyfriend so I don't expect anything from this. I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer and wanted to tell you. But I hope we can remain friends."
Concise and to the point, but it got the point across. I couldn't look at him when I said this, but from the sounds he was making and some of the words I let him get in I could tell that the revelation was going over pretty well. That maybe if his situation was different we would actually have a chance to be together. The one thing I do remember him saying is "we can definitely still be friends," then he grabbed my arm, smiled a little, and limped away on his crutches while I went to grab a bite to eat.
But I couldn't eat. I had a tray full of food, but all I could handle was a few bites. My stomach was doing tricks, my head was all over the place, and the only emotion I could feel then was the absence of emotions. I was depressed. So I sat there listening to "Lost" and watched everyone else in the dining hall laugh and smile and eat. I couldn't take it so I left and headed back to the art school to waste time before my mandatory art school applicant meeting.
I'm still amazed at how fast my feelings returned, and I knew that everything was gonna be ok. I had finally let out two months of emotions and it didn't end as bad as I had predicted. My life isn't all bad. I like a guy who has a guy, but now he knows that I like him. So with this post Al will no longer be making an appearence on the blog. We're still firends and even had a quick conversation at the meeting, but I don't see a point of continuing writing about this guy.
You guys were here when I first met him and started crushing. You guys were here when I found out that he was bisexual like me. You guys were here when I sent him that facebook message and he ignored me the next day. You guys were here when I went up to him, started talking, and we became friends again. And now you're here when I expressed those feelings to him and now we must say goodbye.
So the next time you see the name Al in a post, best believe it will be full of some of that fairy tale love that you only see in the movies. The balls in his court, so we'll se what happens next.
The whole morning was building up to me telling Al how I felt. I wasn't scared, I was anxious and when I saw him limp in on a crutch my world just came crashing down. Fuck you snow! But, it wasn't the snow's fault. It was the damn basketball court's fault, but it was much easier to blame the snow. So for the next two hours that's what I did. I blamed the snow and tried to figure out how in the hell I was gonna tell him how I felt. I couldn't drop a bomb on this kid when he was in actual physical pain. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't, but somehow I did.
All the words that I had planned out escaped me when I needed them most. All that would come out were a few "uhs" and "ums" here and there, but eventually the words came out. And it felt damn good. Nervewrecking, but good.
"I like you, and I know you have a boyfriend so I don't expect anything from this. I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer and wanted to tell you. But I hope we can remain friends."
Concise and to the point, but it got the point across. I couldn't look at him when I said this, but from the sounds he was making and some of the words I let him get in I could tell that the revelation was going over pretty well. That maybe if his situation was different we would actually have a chance to be together. The one thing I do remember him saying is "we can definitely still be friends," then he grabbed my arm, smiled a little, and limped away on his crutches while I went to grab a bite to eat.
But I couldn't eat. I had a tray full of food, but all I could handle was a few bites. My stomach was doing tricks, my head was all over the place, and the only emotion I could feel then was the absence of emotions. I was depressed. So I sat there listening to "Lost" and watched everyone else in the dining hall laugh and smile and eat. I couldn't take it so I left and headed back to the art school to waste time before my mandatory art school applicant meeting.
I'm still amazed at how fast my feelings returned, and I knew that everything was gonna be ok. I had finally let out two months of emotions and it didn't end as bad as I had predicted. My life isn't all bad. I like a guy who has a guy, but now he knows that I like him. So with this post Al will no longer be making an appearence on the blog. We're still firends and even had a quick conversation at the meeting, but I don't see a point of continuing writing about this guy.
You guys were here when I first met him and started crushing. You guys were here when I found out that he was bisexual like me. You guys were here when I sent him that facebook message and he ignored me the next day. You guys were here when I went up to him, started talking, and we became friends again. And now you're here when I expressed those feelings to him and now we must say goodbye.
So the next time you see the name Al in a post, best believe it will be full of some of that fairy tale love that you only see in the movies. The balls in his court, so we'll se what happens next.
5 comments:
What did was really brave. Kudos to that. Plus, he doesn't hate you. :D That's always a plus.
J-You did what you should have done. If you had held back, using his injury as an excuse, you would have spent the remainder of the day and who knows how much longer kicking yourself for wussing out. You know your own value and if he doesn't get it or isn't open to it, fine because plenty of guys out will.
x-yea its always a plus when they dont hate you when you tell them you like them.
shots-sorry had to delete your comment, you used Al's real name and we can't have that can we?lol, but yea the way he grabbed my arm made me think that maybe we could have something more one day, but first he has to breakup with that Brock looking guy first. Which I don't forsee happening anytime soon, but a guy told me that I have to let it percolate in his mind for a little bit. So maybe this is the needle that breaks the camel's back. But i'm not getting my hopes up.
Windy-yea you're probably right, but the crutch through me for a loop. he just looked so pitiful at times tryna walk with it.
Dude, You guys are really strong. I'm still not able to talk, openly, to the guy I like. Mainly because I have no idea if he's gay/bi or not and plus... he's a little bigger than me so if I happened to get hit by one of his punches it would most certainly hurt.
You and call.the.shots inspire me. I think soon I may say... something.
trust me if i never found out Al was gay or bi or whatever he is i would have never told him i liked him. never.
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