I second guess myself at times. Its one of the many flaws that cover up the greatness that is J. I finally told the moms that I was applying to a college in Cali and if I got accepted I would be moving. Well lets just say she didn't take the news to well which actually surprised me. I mean we rarely speak, when I was there with her I never saw her, and she has always known I was going to be leaving Georgia sooner or later.
She has three sons, albeit one is in the military and I'm away at college, but she still has my little brother to keep her busy, so me moving to the better coast shouldn't be a problem, right? Well as soon as I got off the phone with her I began second guessing myself. The fact that I'm having a great time in the art classes I'm taking here, some of the friends I've recently made, and after the conversation with my academic advisor today it only makes me want to stay more, but then there's the other side.
I've always told myself I would live in LA or New York, and now I have a chance. So moving would only put me steps closer to being where I've envisioned myself since I was 13. The graphic design program here only accepts 14 students per semester and there's usually 100 kids who apply each time. But if I get into Otis then I'm guaranteed a spot in their program. Plus there are a lot more opportunities for internships in LA than there are here in Athens, so I would be able to gain more experience and stop doing odd design jobs for clubs I'm involved in and this local band.
I don't know if I ever put the real reason of why I began looking for schools in Cali, but I guess I will now. Doesn't really matter anymore, but it shows a different side of me that I don't like for people to see. I'm a romantic at heart. I'm like that Romeo fella in that play that Shakespeare stole from someone else. I'm the living version of a star crossed lover and would do some crazy things for a chance at love. Hell I've done some crazy things, but that's another story entirely.
My main motivation at first was because of a guy. I know it sounds crazy to move half way around the world for a guy, but like I said. I'm a star crossed lover, but I don't plan on dying until im 185. I don't know why, but I thought maybe we had something "special" and I didn't mind the idea of me moving to Cali, especially if it meant that maybe we could meet, hang out a little, and see where it went. Now that is probably unlikely to happen. We've talked a few times since I stated I wanted to make the move, but not as much as we use to.
Its really hard to explain, because we had this great conversation. We were clicking on all cylinders and it just felt right. I had only known this guy for less than an hour and I was believeing everything he was saying to me. He had me, I mean he really had me and it was strange to me. I didn't know what he looked like, what he did everyday, but none of that mattered. We were having this great conversation and I was enjoying every second of it. But a week, maybe tw weeks later we don't talk at much. I would go as far as to say we don't talk at all. So was I the only one that believed the things he said or did I just read way into what he said. Whatever the reasons this too made me second guess myself on my decision to leave.
But I still want to move. Just the idea of me actually being on my own, in a small apartment, scares me but also excites me in the same breath. So I sat myself down today. Got into a conceited state of mind and basically lied to myself. Its just something I have to do sometimes, the make sure I get the job done.I said
"J, you're going to apply to this school. You're going to get accepted to this school. And you're going to get to LA, set up your little apartment all nice and you're going to live the life. You're going to find the guy and or girl of your dreams and you're going to give them the best sex of their lives, because its what you do. You give people the sex and then you give them the love so you'll always have the upperhand. Cause once they get over the initial shock of "damn, that boys good" and you hit them with that love their stuck. Its game over for them and you've got them right where you want them. In the midst of your greatness."
And after I was done lying to myself I told myself the truth.
"J, even if you don't get accepted then you go with plan B. You go to summer school at UGA, catch up on your major. Reaccess how you're feeling about your life in Georgia, then and only then, if you're not satisfied if you find yourself to be content then you apply to other schools in LA and start school their in the Spring.
Problem solved right. Maybe. Oh yeah I'm taking a vow of celibacy again. The first one didn't work out. I think that's when Redcoat first entered my life, but I mean it this time. No more sex for J until he's in some kind of relationship. So if my blog gets boring you all know why. And I was talking to a friend today and he was telling me about sleeping with two brothers albeit separately, and it reminded me of two stories I haven't told.
Both involve me in the middle of a three way, but one involves two brothers so if you wanna hear this story, then hit me up in the post or even in real life. I'm always happy to find somekind of distraction in between classes and writing essays.
Oh yea I almost forgot to mention, I reached my 5000 visitor sometime yesterday some I'm fucking spazzing out over that. So thank you whoever you are that keeps reading my blog. And thanks to all my new followers. I still remember that day when I went from two to one follower. Yea, Peyton I bet you remember unfollowing me too. But now I have 15 followers and it trips me out to see when someone else decides to follow me.
But its 3 here, and I'm sleepy.
currently listening to:Electric Eel-MGMT
She has three sons, albeit one is in the military and I'm away at college, but she still has my little brother to keep her busy, so me moving to the better coast shouldn't be a problem, right? Well as soon as I got off the phone with her I began second guessing myself. The fact that I'm having a great time in the art classes I'm taking here, some of the friends I've recently made, and after the conversation with my academic advisor today it only makes me want to stay more, but then there's the other side.
I've always told myself I would live in LA or New York, and now I have a chance. So moving would only put me steps closer to being where I've envisioned myself since I was 13. The graphic design program here only accepts 14 students per semester and there's usually 100 kids who apply each time. But if I get into Otis then I'm guaranteed a spot in their program. Plus there are a lot more opportunities for internships in LA than there are here in Athens, so I would be able to gain more experience and stop doing odd design jobs for clubs I'm involved in and this local band.
I don't know if I ever put the real reason of why I began looking for schools in Cali, but I guess I will now. Doesn't really matter anymore, but it shows a different side of me that I don't like for people to see. I'm a romantic at heart. I'm like that Romeo fella in that play that Shakespeare stole from someone else. I'm the living version of a star crossed lover and would do some crazy things for a chance at love. Hell I've done some crazy things, but that's another story entirely.
My main motivation at first was because of a guy. I know it sounds crazy to move half way around the world for a guy, but like I said. I'm a star crossed lover, but I don't plan on dying until im 185. I don't know why, but I thought maybe we had something "special" and I didn't mind the idea of me moving to Cali, especially if it meant that maybe we could meet, hang out a little, and see where it went. Now that is probably unlikely to happen. We've talked a few times since I stated I wanted to make the move, but not as much as we use to.
Its really hard to explain, because we had this great conversation. We were clicking on all cylinders and it just felt right. I had only known this guy for less than an hour and I was believeing everything he was saying to me. He had me, I mean he really had me and it was strange to me. I didn't know what he looked like, what he did everyday, but none of that mattered. We were having this great conversation and I was enjoying every second of it. But a week, maybe tw weeks later we don't talk at much. I would go as far as to say we don't talk at all. So was I the only one that believed the things he said or did I just read way into what he said. Whatever the reasons this too made me second guess myself on my decision to leave.
But I still want to move. Just the idea of me actually being on my own, in a small apartment, scares me but also excites me in the same breath. So I sat myself down today. Got into a conceited state of mind and basically lied to myself. Its just something I have to do sometimes, the make sure I get the job done.I said
"J, you're going to apply to this school. You're going to get accepted to this school. And you're going to get to LA, set up your little apartment all nice and you're going to live the life. You're going to find the guy and or girl of your dreams and you're going to give them the best sex of their lives, because its what you do. You give people the sex and then you give them the love so you'll always have the upperhand. Cause once they get over the initial shock of "damn, that boys good" and you hit them with that love their stuck. Its game over for them and you've got them right where you want them. In the midst of your greatness."
And after I was done lying to myself I told myself the truth.
"J, even if you don't get accepted then you go with plan B. You go to summer school at UGA, catch up on your major. Reaccess how you're feeling about your life in Georgia, then and only then, if you're not satisfied if you find yourself to be content then you apply to other schools in LA and start school their in the Spring.
Problem solved right. Maybe. Oh yeah I'm taking a vow of celibacy again. The first one didn't work out. I think that's when Redcoat first entered my life, but I mean it this time. No more sex for J until he's in some kind of relationship. So if my blog gets boring you all know why. And I was talking to a friend today and he was telling me about sleeping with two brothers albeit separately, and it reminded me of two stories I haven't told.
Both involve me in the middle of a three way, but one involves two brothers so if you wanna hear this story, then hit me up in the post or even in real life. I'm always happy to find somekind of distraction in between classes and writing essays.
Oh yea I almost forgot to mention, I reached my 5000 visitor sometime yesterday some I'm fucking spazzing out over that. So thank you whoever you are that keeps reading my blog. And thanks to all my new followers. I still remember that day when I went from two to one follower. Yea, Peyton I bet you remember unfollowing me too. But now I have 15 followers and it trips me out to see when someone else decides to follow me.
But its 3 here, and I'm sleepy.
currently listening to:Electric Eel-MGMT
8 comments:
yea, I know how it feels to have followerd. its that extra boost to do more. I wish I could get readers to follow my 2nd blog!!!
you go ahead and be a helpless romantic. if that gets you through your days and nights, do it dude! i cant fault a man for going after what he wants!
so you say i can visit? lol assuming i knew you, where do you live? lol
Ovid - Pyramus and Thisbe, and Xenophon - Anthia and Habrocomes: good stories both. And the best way for me to see Romeo and Juliet is as the ballet, by Prokoviev - but all that is too pretentious for words - what about you? What about this post? There's an awful ot going on there - one thing for sure, though: I can imagine you in your own apartment, easy - but alone? I really don't think so!!
Convos on IM can be very odd - they seem to be a bridge between the fantasy world of the web and perhaps the blog, and the reality of actually talking to someone. People will portray themselves in so many ways, that are not always anything close to reality - sometimes it is deliberate, other times it's because they don't really know themselves. As some people already know, I am actually 6' 3", half moroccan, half norwegian, hung like a horse, single and loaded, but am keeping myself 'pure' for Mr Right! (Um, well, perhaps that's not 100% true ... but near enough for MSN!)
I am convinced you are working to a pretty good set of plans - and am not at all surprised your mum found your news as welcome as a box of snails - it will just take her a little while to remember that you can cook them up with some butter and garlic and they are quite good. Same with your plan ...
This comment is getting far too long ... l8rs ! I need to sleep =]
Life is too short to not live it the way you want. A very good friend of mine has always wanted to live in Amsterdam. I mean always and that goes back from high school. He never did move there even after he met the man of his dreams. His inaction, among other reasons, caused that relationship to end and he has been kicking himself for not living his life to the fullest. Don't make that mistake. Live your dreams. And stay away from my blog cause you are going to have to get off if you continue reading. Or I might have to make a trip to see you and break it.
i would welcome that trip with open legs windy city.
but i just wanna say thanks 2 you all for commenting, it really makes me feel better for taking this leap, and hopefully it all works out
I know how you feel about moving. When I was applying to medical school, I got an interview for one right outside SanFran. It was the first school I'd heard back from, and after the interview you only have about 2-3 weeks to say yes or no, and then pay a deposit. This unnerved me because I'd expected to hear back from some more local schools first, and then the thought of moving out alone away from friends (ie. not a realistically drivable distance) and family... I ended up not even going to the interview because of my cold feet, and now I'm kicking myself for doing that.
Long story short, take a risk!
Haha, also, and am I the only one curious enough to ask that you expound on the 3-ways?
i guess so E.S., but dont worry ill expand on the whole three way situation soon, well in the next two blogs itll be on one of the two
This . . . 3-way you speak of. I'm going to have to make a note to ask you online about it.
Anyway, I also didn't know you were actively applying to schools in CA. Good luck with those! :)
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