I'm afraid right now. I'm so afraid because I like a boy so much I broke up with a boy who loved me. I like a boy and we could never be together because he also has a boy. A boy I'm sure is so great and so awesome he would never think to break up with his boy to be with me.
I'm afraid because my life use to be so simple. So simple that I could do it with my eyes closed. I'd wake up in the morning, go to class, come back to my dorm after class, study a little, pick up my phone, text someone, and then go have sex. It was that simple. No emotions, just sex. I was a guy and guys like simple things and I was living the life. I'm afraid because my life is not so simple any more. Its foggy, and I HATE FOG.
Things were so simple before now. Emotions were things I didn't have to worry about. They weren't involved in my sex. I knew what they wanted, and I was just there to please. And please I did and I always walked away with a load in my mouth. No one was ever disappointed. Disappointed was never there. It was just sex, and it was the one thing I knew for sure I excelled at.
So where did it all go wrong? When did these "emotions" sneak up on me and ruin my life. When did they creep up on me and just fuck up my simple life. When did they make it foggy, because I need them to go. I just wanna go back to how things were before. Just go back to having sex with guys, getting loads, and leaving. I was happy then, I wasn't crying then like I am now. Why am I crying. Am I crying because I know everything that shots just told me is true and I'm afraid of that.
Am I so afraid of feeling like the thing I want the most is right there in front of me and all I have to do is wait and hope that one day it will come to me. Because I can't handle that. I don't do good with these emotions for "hope" and "faith" they were not embedded in me. They do not compute, when it comes to my life.
All I know is I like a guy. and it scares me. and i can't go back to being a cumslut to numb out those feelings. no matter how much i want to. because if i did the guy i like would not like me. he's a stand up guy. and whores never get those guys. but i did, once and i let him go because i like a guy.
I'm afraid because my life use to be so simple. So simple that I could do it with my eyes closed. I'd wake up in the morning, go to class, come back to my dorm after class, study a little, pick up my phone, text someone, and then go have sex. It was that simple. No emotions, just sex. I was a guy and guys like simple things and I was living the life. I'm afraid because my life is not so simple any more. Its foggy, and I HATE FOG.
Things were so simple before now. Emotions were things I didn't have to worry about. They weren't involved in my sex. I knew what they wanted, and I was just there to please. And please I did and I always walked away with a load in my mouth. No one was ever disappointed. Disappointed was never there. It was just sex, and it was the one thing I knew for sure I excelled at.
So where did it all go wrong? When did these "emotions" sneak up on me and ruin my life. When did they creep up on me and just fuck up my simple life. When did they make it foggy, because I need them to go. I just wanna go back to how things were before. Just go back to having sex with guys, getting loads, and leaving. I was happy then, I wasn't crying then like I am now. Why am I crying. Am I crying because I know everything that shots just told me is true and I'm afraid of that.
Am I so afraid of feeling like the thing I want the most is right there in front of me and all I have to do is wait and hope that one day it will come to me. Because I can't handle that. I don't do good with these emotions for "hope" and "faith" they were not embedded in me. They do not compute, when it comes to my life.
All I know is I like a guy. and it scares me. and i can't go back to being a cumslut to numb out those feelings. no matter how much i want to. because if i did the guy i like would not like me. he's a stand up guy. and whores never get those guys. but i did, once and i let him go because i like a guy.
6 comments:
I'm confused. aim me dude.
Don't be afraid. I can't stop right now - will be in touch. There is nothing to fear, if you know where you want to go (even if you get lost a few times on the way). G =]
i think im good now, just was kinda emotional last night and just wanted to right it all down
I have thoughts all over your post. I have a man, a good man, the type you talk about. I am also a horny, mother fucker. The kind that you think isn't supposed to get that guy. It's not easy and doesn't always work but it can. Like the other posts, this topic is far too complicated for a post.
I have thoughts all over your post. I have a man, a good man, the type you talk about. I am also a horny, mother fucker. The kind that you think isn't supposed to get that guy. It's not easy and doesn't always work but it can. Like the other posts, this topic is far too complicated for a post.
nice to know that i am able to get the guy, and yea its probably is too complicated for a post, but im an unusually complicated guy who misses being simple.
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