how come i cant, miss a woman like i cant miss courtdates

i have a problem. two problems to be exact. maybe three, but really just two.

1. sex
2. guys
3. im stoopid
   

one.

i like sex. maybe more than i should. a lot more than i should. but i like it and would go as far as saying i love sex. i didn't eat today but i had sex. and there's the problem. how can i give up a great meal for some okay sex? or even some great sex?¹ it just doesn't make since, but in the mind of J it does. i have a problem with sex.

two.

i like guys. but never the ones i should. i always like the ones i shouldn't like. i also have an affinity for drug dealers. don't ask me why. most of the guys i've been with were drug dealers. i don't do drugs just so you know. the guy i've been chillin' with for the last two days is a drug dealer. he's also "straight" and has a babymoms and a daughter that he lives with. but for the last two days he's been wih me. and thats the problem.

three.

i'm stoopid. i even spell he word wrong on purpose because i'm stoopid. i don't know why people swear i'm smart. they also think i'm good with computers but i don't know shit about computers. but i am stoopid and i realized how stoopid i am the last two days. i always find myself in these situations. all these situations can be avoided, but i always dive head first into these situations.

so while i was sitting in my car tonight in the midst of one of these situations i started thinking. but then i stopped. i didn't wanna think i wanted to talk to someone and get their take on the situation. i called shots, got a voicemail. called k, no answer. and then i said fuck it and started talking to myself. basically yelling at myself for being a stoopid, dumb fuck². and during the conversation i came to the conclusion that i have three problems.

1. sex
2. guys
3. stupidity

and the only solution is to stop. no more sex³. no more guys⁴. no more being stoopid⁵.

currently listening to Every Girl by Young Money

1. i mean my shit is on some EPIC shit. jus ask ya dads.
2. i had this same conversation the night before with myself, x, and S. somehow x convinced me i wasn't stoopid. too bad he was wrong.
3. i've said this before. and i'll probably say it again. i can go a week, maybe 2 but i have a plan. everytime i get the urge to have sex i'll just go workout or jerk. simple enough.
4. i'm making one maybe two exceptions. i'm currently in a relationship, kinda. but he's in mexico. if he comes back then i will sex him up and see him on a daily basis. i also gave up vagina a few weeks back. so i think giving up guys shouldn't be too hard.
5. i know these situations are stoopid. the voices in my head tell me they are, but i do them anyway. so i just have to start trusting my instincts.