deleted posts

So basically a few people commented about a couple of ghost blogs I posted yesterday. If I remember correctly I did six of them, but only three of them are still online. I was having a stressful day. And when I’m stressed I either have sex, I write, or I draw. Sex was out of the question, lately drawing has become somewhat of a stressful activity, so I decided to write. Hence the missing posts.

In one of them I insinuated that I regretted ever doing this blog, which is a lie, and I was gonna take a hiatus and decide whether I wanted to continue blogging anymore. Well I’m happy to report that the blog will be staying up. I’m too young to retire, and there’s a lot more of my life you guys still don’t know about yet. Hell I only know 19 years of the story, and I wanna see what happens too. But the one thing I did regret was leaving the blog, and actually letting people into my life whether that be from MSN conversations, telephone calls, or text messaging.



I talk to a few people online. All of them are great guys and I enjoy the brief time we’re actually able to talk. (KS where are you, its been 3 weeks I bought my ticket to Vietnam, don’t make me fly over there and find you) But there is a core three that I guess you could say I’m closest to, and of those three one guy stands out the most. I’ve told him a lot of things I haven’t yet went into here on the blog, some things I haven’t even told close friends. And therein lies the problem.

I treat him like he’s my best friend. He’s easy to talk to, he listens, and he tells me his point of view of things. But I don’t think he sees me the same way. To him (I believe) I’m just another guy. A guy he can actually talk about gay related issues or just life issues in general. I take our friendship more seriously while I don’t believe he does, I don’t even believe he sees this “relationship” as a friendship.

For the simple fact that we’ve argued before and he’s basically came to the conclusion that I’m too emotional at times, and can be aggravating, so maybe its just better if we never talk. And my only counter to that is I may seem too emotional because I care if we’re friends or not, while your brick wall of composure you keep putting up only makes me think you don’t care. Even if thirty minutes later you send a text saying that you do care, and just wanted me to know. And that to me just sounds like you’re saying that just incase I finally come to my senses and realize that I was being moody and over emotional and realize you were being rational and compose that I shouldn’t hold a grudge or be mad, because through it all you “care.”

But I’m finding it hard to believe that you do, and it sucks.

But back to real life, real issues, and the things he says I should be focused on. I eventually did end up having sex last night. And if you read the previous post you know how it turned out. It was my first time topping in a long, long time and the first time I took someone’s virginity, albeit only in the ass. I had already been his first guy, but last night it was his first time bottoming.

So after the sex, I started studying, took a quick power nap, and was in Art History by 12. Took the quiz and knew all the answers except for maybe two or three questions, so I’m excited to see the results. Mt English professor extended our first drafts deadline til’ tonight so I’ll be doing that today. And did I mentioned it was snowing for an hour. How crazy is that. I mean you gotta love this south Georgia weather.

So today was a good day. I mean today is a good day, and I hope everyone else is feeling that joy that I am right now.