Today was the first day I can say I felt ALIVE. The bad thing is when you're finally ALIVE everything hurts more. For the last three months I've been talking to this one guy on MSN. Great guy, just all around awesome guy. Captain Awesome if you will. I honestly feel like this guy is the best friend I've always wanted. I care for this guy and I would take a bullet and give him a kidney if he needed it. I LOVE this guy, and I don't know if I took this guy for granted or what but I think I hurt him. Well i know I hurt him, and that hurts me. I've honestly been crying since he told me how he felt.
I've never felt so ALIVE in my life but I don't know if I wanna continue being alive if the emotions are this REAL and HURT this much. I don't cry, its just not something I was taught that REAL men do. But im crying now. I'm crying because whether I realized it or not I hurt a friend and... Yea I really don't know what the point of this is, but yeah. Don't feel bad for me. Don't send me comforting words. I just dont know.
I've never felt so ALIVE in my life and it sjust a new feeling for me. So can anyone tell me why I can cry so many tears for a friend that I've never me in my life but I can't seem to shed a tear for that sister who I've never seen in her 10 years, or for the father I always wanted but never got, or for anyone else who I actually know in everday life. What does that say about this guy. '
It says a lot. I just hope he knows that he's probably the most important person in my life right now. Scratch that, HE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT GUY IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. I'll even go as far as to say next to my mom he's next in line. For someone I've never met he's made a profound affect on who I am and the man I'm becoming.
So yeah I'm sorry and if I knew more portuguese I would say it in portuguese too.
Love,
J
your boo friend
your favorite DRAMA KING
I've never felt so ALIVE in my life but I don't know if I wanna continue being alive if the emotions are this REAL and HURT this much. I don't cry, its just not something I was taught that REAL men do. But im crying now. I'm crying because whether I realized it or not I hurt a friend and... Yea I really don't know what the point of this is, but yeah. Don't feel bad for me. Don't send me comforting words. I just dont know.
I've never felt so ALIVE in my life and it sjust a new feeling for me. So can anyone tell me why I can cry so many tears for a friend that I've never me in my life but I can't seem to shed a tear for that sister who I've never seen in her 10 years, or for the father I always wanted but never got, or for anyone else who I actually know in everday life. What does that say about this guy. '
It says a lot. I just hope he knows that he's probably the most important person in my life right now. Scratch that, HE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT GUY IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. I'll even go as far as to say next to my mom he's next in line. For someone I've never met he's made a profound affect on who I am and the man I'm becoming.
So yeah I'm sorry and if I knew more portuguese I would say it in portuguese too.
Love,
J
your boo friend
your favorite DRAMA KING
9 comments:
Tell me about him. He sounds special. Feeling alive is good. =]
=(.....=0)
Your wave of emotions never ceases to amaze me. :)
he is special Doomed, very special.
and x Im glad i never cease to amaze you, cause youre a tough cookie to impress
Man, what a roller-coaster ride of emotions. I'm curious as to the true identity of this guy now. o.O
*hugs* :P
Don't take this the wrong way cause you know I love ya but you need to get a grip on things. Not being in touch with your emotions leads to wackadoodle results but so does not reigning them. Balance is the key. But I give you credit for putting it out there because it is not easy to read or easy for you but it's real and honest.
yea, very true was just having a moment and for some reason I always have the sudden urge to blog during them.
I respect your openness and honesty but you seem to get lost in the moment all too often. The problem with that is it is not something you shake off. It festers and causes you much grief. I worry that these roller coaster of emotions will take its toll. And I don't want that. I enjoy your blog. It's quite a different take then one like mine which explores my oversexed life without much insight other than my response to a few cheeky comments.
I'm glad you enjoy my blog and I can understand where you're coming from and what you're saying but I don't think its gotten to a point where its detrimental to my health or to me or anyone else. Its just I feel after holding back and not really showing emotion for the last 19 years I feel its necessary to just let it all come out instead of holding it in.
I mean I'm not use to letting people in. I was always that kid that put up that "i dont care" facade and it got to a point where I really believe i didn't care, but now its like I do care.
But if it ever got to a point where I feel like it was hurting me more than helping me I would be the first to reach out for some help. And i just wanna say thanks for sharing your opinion cause its always nice to have an outside point of view.
Post a Comment