I've been doing this blogging thing for about five months. It started as a way for me to just write down my thoughts and emotions that I was feeling at the time, and maybe a way to reflect on certain things. I wish I could say I've learned a lot about myself through the blog, but that would be a lie. And I'm not lying to myself anymore.
Don't take that the wrong way. I love my blog and I plan to continue doing this until I'm an old man and forget how to use a computer. So while the blog hasn't taught me anything except that college made me sex crazy it has allowed me to get in contact with a couple of people, and through those conversations I've learned a lot about myself. One of those people in particular would have to be call.the.shots. If you haven't checked out his blog you really should. His blog really doesn't do his personality justice, but its a nice glimpse into who he is. So check him out and tell em J sent you.
So basically this post is about one of those thought provoking conversations that I hate, but usually end up having with him anyway. So basically it really late or really early and I had just put A to sleep and went back into the living room and logged on to MSN messenger, because I for some reason I don't get sleepy after sex anymore. So we start talking, asking about each others day, and somewhere during our conversation it turned to the idea that we're both getting comfortable with the idea of coming out. We both figure if we find the right guy then we wouldn't mind coming out as much as we do now. And from this is went to a subject I hate talking about.
From the start of this blog I've always said I was bi. They're are a lot of people who don't believe there is a thing such as being bisexual. I've always brushed that off my shoulder because I've always been attracted to both guys and girls, and now I just feel like a liar if I tell someone I'm bi. My main argument for saying I'm bi and not gay is the simple fact I've always envisioned myself being married with a wife and having a few little js running around. So if I come out and say I'm bi, no one would be surprised if this happened.
But even with that vision I always knew the first marriage wouldn't work and I would end up with a second wife or something. A little weird maybe. But I've never seen myself being married to a guy and theres no real reason for that. But it could do with the fact that I don't really believe in marriage. If you really love someone why does a sheet of paper make it official? Maybe thats just me being jaded because of my surroundings and how none of the marriages I know have actually worked.
But yea. Shots made me realize that I just might be gay or maybe I'm just falling in love with a guy. Because I know the exact date of the last time I found a girl attractive. I was in Virginia and I actually asked her to marry me. She thought I was joking, but we did exchange numbers and we communicate a couple of times a month, but I haven't found another girl attractive since.
And then I stopped messing with my neighbor, but that was always just sex and it probably never should have happened. But it was a Friday night, our RA finally told her they couldn't be together and she came to my door and she was to the verge of tears. So me being the nice guy I am invited her in and we just chilled for a few hours, and as always one thing led to another and we hooked up, and did it again a few more times. But I was never attracted to her she just happened to be next door.
So yea, I think I'm gay. But does that mean I have to change my profile bio now. I already have to update the people in my life section as it is.
but if you wanna talk to me im southern.inebriation@live.com on MSN messenger I'd like to hear from you
currently listening to: Thats Not My Name-the Ting Tings
Don't take that the wrong way. I love my blog and I plan to continue doing this until I'm an old man and forget how to use a computer. So while the blog hasn't taught me anything except that college made me sex crazy it has allowed me to get in contact with a couple of people, and through those conversations I've learned a lot about myself. One of those people in particular would have to be call.the.shots. If you haven't checked out his blog you really should. His blog really doesn't do his personality justice, but its a nice glimpse into who he is. So check him out and tell em J sent you.
So basically this post is about one of those thought provoking conversations that I hate, but usually end up having with him anyway. So basically it really late or really early and I had just put A to sleep and went back into the living room and logged on to MSN messenger, because I for some reason I don't get sleepy after sex anymore. So we start talking, asking about each others day, and somewhere during our conversation it turned to the idea that we're both getting comfortable with the idea of coming out. We both figure if we find the right guy then we wouldn't mind coming out as much as we do now. And from this is went to a subject I hate talking about.
From the start of this blog I've always said I was bi. They're are a lot of people who don't believe there is a thing such as being bisexual. I've always brushed that off my shoulder because I've always been attracted to both guys and girls, and now I just feel like a liar if I tell someone I'm bi. My main argument for saying I'm bi and not gay is the simple fact I've always envisioned myself being married with a wife and having a few little js running around. So if I come out and say I'm bi, no one would be surprised if this happened.
But even with that vision I always knew the first marriage wouldn't work and I would end up with a second wife or something. A little weird maybe. But I've never seen myself being married to a guy and theres no real reason for that. But it could do with the fact that I don't really believe in marriage. If you really love someone why does a sheet of paper make it official? Maybe thats just me being jaded because of my surroundings and how none of the marriages I know have actually worked.
But yea. Shots made me realize that I just might be gay or maybe I'm just falling in love with a guy. Because I know the exact date of the last time I found a girl attractive. I was in Virginia and I actually asked her to marry me. She thought I was joking, but we did exchange numbers and we communicate a couple of times a month, but I haven't found another girl attractive since.
And then I stopped messing with my neighbor, but that was always just sex and it probably never should have happened. But it was a Friday night, our RA finally told her they couldn't be together and she came to my door and she was to the verge of tears. So me being the nice guy I am invited her in and we just chilled for a few hours, and as always one thing led to another and we hooked up, and did it again a few more times. But I was never attracted to her she just happened to be next door.
So yea, I think I'm gay. But does that mean I have to change my profile bio now. I already have to update the people in my life section as it is.
but if you wanna talk to me im southern.inebriation@live.com on MSN messenger I'd like to hear from you
currently listening to: Thats Not My Name-the Ting Tings
1 comments:
Years ago, we received a consignment of cans, with paper lables on. As it happened, they all got washed off as the stowage was damp. It meant that you never knew what was going to appear when you opened the can, and some combinations we completely random.
People are infinitely more complex, and I would be hurt were someone able to lable me as simply as a can of beans. Moreover, I have also found over time that my orientation and associated desires definitely swing, like a pendulum.
So rather than looking for ontological precision, where none really exists, and forcing yourself to fit a definition that is not altogether accurate, why not go for the approach, where you are simply J? If people want to know the details, they should stick around for a while and find out.
G =]
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