The holidays always brings family together, but family has never been a major part in my life. The people that I've always held closest to me have been friends. Friends and my mother. Call me a momma's boy, but I would give my life to save my mom from anything. My dad on the other hand, well that's an entirely different story.
My dad was a soldier. He was a marine and that shaped his whole life when I was a child. Even when he was discharged, something he didn't want, his mentality never changed. I still remember one day he wrestled one of his Marine Corps. t-shirt off of me because he didn't deem me "man" enough to wear it. I guess that was his first mistake with me, because I''ve never looked at him the same since.
The memories we share are never good ones. The ones that stand the most potent in my mind either revolve around him fighting with my mother or him chasing me with a belt. Not things you would want to remember, but that's all I have. So when we finally left I guess it was a happy moment for me. I was only eight, but I was glad that I didn't have to see him on a daily basis anymore. But it wasn't like he was there everyday anyway.
After moving away I would only see my dad during Thanksgiving and for a couple of weeks in the Summer. I guess this is the main reason why I hate Thanksgiving so much now. Having to leave what I'm comfortable with to go see my father and everyone on his side of the family and continue to hear the same things over and over. I always felt out of place, I never felt comfortable so I would always dread the time spent there.
As I got older things started to change. I saw my dad more often, but he wasn't coming to see me. He finally had the son he always wanted in my younger brother. He would come all the way just to watch him play football. At one moment I actually thought I was feeling jealousy when I saw how they acted with each other, but I know better now.I wasn't jealous I was sad for my brother.
See in my brother's eyes our dad is a King. He's the best thing in the world and can do no wrong. He puts him up on a pedastal and he can do no wrong, but if he only knew who is dad was. I'm scared that one day he's going to realize it and he won't be able to handle it.
Me and my dad relationship is still non existent and that's how I want it to remain. The last couple of years he's tried to reach out to me, but I can't let him in my life. I don't want to. When I needed him he wasn't there and now that he sees I'm growing up into a very successful young man he wants to be a part of it and I think thats why he's trying so hard with my youngest brother, because he doesn't want to miss out on the rest of his life like he did with mine.
I'm sure there will come a day where I can get over my issues with my dad, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Maybe I'm not mature enough. Or maybe I'm just being selfish. Whatever it is I just know that I'll make it with or without him like I have for the past eighteen years of my life.
My dad was a soldier. He was a marine and that shaped his whole life when I was a child. Even when he was discharged, something he didn't want, his mentality never changed. I still remember one day he wrestled one of his Marine Corps. t-shirt off of me because he didn't deem me "man" enough to wear it. I guess that was his first mistake with me, because I''ve never looked at him the same since.
The memories we share are never good ones. The ones that stand the most potent in my mind either revolve around him fighting with my mother or him chasing me with a belt. Not things you would want to remember, but that's all I have. So when we finally left I guess it was a happy moment for me. I was only eight, but I was glad that I didn't have to see him on a daily basis anymore. But it wasn't like he was there everyday anyway.
After moving away I would only see my dad during Thanksgiving and for a couple of weeks in the Summer. I guess this is the main reason why I hate Thanksgiving so much now. Having to leave what I'm comfortable with to go see my father and everyone on his side of the family and continue to hear the same things over and over. I always felt out of place, I never felt comfortable so I would always dread the time spent there.
As I got older things started to change. I saw my dad more often, but he wasn't coming to see me. He finally had the son he always wanted in my younger brother. He would come all the way just to watch him play football. At one moment I actually thought I was feeling jealousy when I saw how they acted with each other, but I know better now.I wasn't jealous I was sad for my brother.
See in my brother's eyes our dad is a King. He's the best thing in the world and can do no wrong. He puts him up on a pedastal and he can do no wrong, but if he only knew who is dad was. I'm scared that one day he's going to realize it and he won't be able to handle it.
Me and my dad relationship is still non existent and that's how I want it to remain. The last couple of years he's tried to reach out to me, but I can't let him in my life. I don't want to. When I needed him he wasn't there and now that he sees I'm growing up into a very successful young man he wants to be a part of it and I think thats why he's trying so hard with my youngest brother, because he doesn't want to miss out on the rest of his life like he did with mine.
I'm sure there will come a day where I can get over my issues with my dad, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Maybe I'm not mature enough. Or maybe I'm just being selfish. Whatever it is I just know that I'll make it with or without him like I have for the past eighteen years of my life.
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