K

K is a major part of my life, and a major part of this blog so I decided she deserved her own post. Hopefully she will never read this, or else she might kill me.

Me and K have known each other longer than we both know. Both of our moms went to school together so I guess there's some history there, but me and K didn't officially meet until grade 6. I like how grade 6 sounds over the sixth grade.

So I guess from that moment we met we just instantly clicked. We was this mean kid and I was just this passive aggressive guy that took all of her shit. But it worked for us, and it didn't hurt the fact that we took all the same classes. But in middle school it wouldn't matter as much as in high school, when high school came around we were always two of the only three black kids in our classes because we were on the honors track and not regular CP or TCP track.

So through all of this we bonded and I helped her grow and she helped me grow tremendously. I discovered that this mean girl persona she wore like a cape wasn't who she was. She was just this girl who was really troubled inside and had a lot of issues that she needed to deal with, but never got around to them and then I discovered that she would cut herself, just to watch herself bleed. This sad reality would come back to haunt us later in life.

Even with all of our personality cracks we just complimented each other well, and she is the first girl I can say I truly loved and the first girl that broke my heart. We dated in grade 8 for a couple of weeks, and then she abruptly broke it off. I still believe to this day she only did it to get back with her then love of her life, and ex boyfriend (because he broke up with his girlfriend a few days earlier) but this is something that to this day she denies with a passion.

After she ended it with me I was lost and confused and this is around the time that I started thinking that maybe life with girls isn't for me. This would also lead me down a path of rekindling a friendship I had long abandoned with this guy from my childhood and he would be the one that I would lose my virginity my freshman year of high school.

I would never say K made me gay, because as I know now the signs were always there she just gave me a slight nudge. After our breakup I not only lost the love of my adolescent life, but I also lost my best friend so I had to finally go off and forge my own direction and life and think about only me, for once.

Me and K would have a rocky relationship throughout grade 8 until sometime in freshman year, there would be days when we would just argue about stupid things and it just would get really bad. I don't know what brought us back together, but we ended up friends again, but things weren't the same.

Time would go by and it seemed that our feelings for each other were genuine but we would never become "official" again, there was always something or someone in our way, but we would still have those moments where we knew in the end it would come to a point where it would end up being me and K.

That day still hasn't come, but she seems to be more optimistic about it coming. I on the other hand have been casually drifting away from this idea of euphoria for a while, but in the back of my head I still believe that she's the one I want to die beside. She's the one I could spend the rest of my life with, because after six years of a revolving door of characters she's still here, and that has to mean something.

I mean she's even decided own our first borns name, its going to be Lo Delta [Stackhouse] okay not stackhouse but you get the picture. The only problem now is will this dream we've been holding on to ever become a reality. K believes so, but the twist is she's involved, in love, with some other K and no matter what happens she keeps going back to her. They've been through so much this year and they're still together so I'm relegated to the fact if K has to choose between me and her I really don't believe she'll choose me, which is why I won't give my whole self to her. I did it once and I was fastball special crushed.

So I guess thats me and K in a whole. Two bu kids in and out of love dealing with the world, college, and inner turmoil and hopefully in the end game we will both come out on top unscathed, and while I believe everything will work out in due time I fear she my have some emotional scars that not even wolverine could heal.