I did something I thought I never would. I told my best friend/ex-lover that I just may be gay, or bi atleast. Yea lets stick with bi, because at the moment thats just what I am. I still have dreams of having a fmily and getting married and I just don’t see myself marrying a guy, and the way its looking now even if I wanted to it might prove a little difficult if not impossible.
But yea, it was weird how it happened. Last week was one of the toughtest weeks I’ve ever had in my entire life and I would never want to relieve a moment of that week. I finally came face to face with the guy that molested me when I was younger. Yea I know, I was molested as a child and no one in my life knows about it. I didn’t realise what actually happened to me until my senior year in high school.
And thats when everything became clear (i started seeing leaves instead of green blots). It all made perfect sense. The sexual tension I had with several guys, why everytime I saw Robert Richard i got a boner, and why I felt a part of me missing. It was because of this guy who was fifteen at the time molested me, I was 3, and I had been scared for life.
But yea I met him on campus because he was a guest visitor at one of my organization meetings and bam my life comes crahing down, right then, right there. Long story short I told K, she bombarded me with questions and I think I’m going to be okay. Maybe now my life can have some sense of normalty.
Fuck that, normal is the watchword.
-jonnie darko
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