you disappoint me

"hi," i said.

"hi," he replied.

"i'm J. i figured if x! liked you, you couldn't be too bad of a guy. plus i just read your comment about how no one talks to you on msn, so i figured why not."

"heheehehe...so x told you about me then, eh?"

"yeah, i asked him who you were cause i had a compulsion to become a headhunter and come find you, but luckily he told me not to cause you're his drill sergeant. so i said cool. he can live."

"what you mean by headhunter? x is a chill dude...quite unique."

"its a professional assasin, and yeah. he is, i've come to know that the past few months."

"southern inebriation, eh? where u located?"

"georgia, athens at the moment."

"cool, savannah here."

"thats crazy, my mom moved there after i graduated to live with my aunt."

"small world..."

and it really is. that first conversation still stands out in my mind. i've talked to many people online but most of them end within a day of two of chatting, but i knew from that conversation that we had a connection. you were a cool guy. had an interesting perspective on life. and you kept me laughing. you were a keeper. and i enjoyed our conversations.

we discussed everything from how x stole my word epic and how you picked it up and continue to use it as your own. to the fact that you're only out to one person in real life and how you told him in a foreign language, infront of a group of friends, but only you and him spoke the language. this was also during the time when i had an epic beard and i was Rick Ross, and not yet Kanye West. i liked you back then, but now i'm not so sure.

you disappoint me. because with all the knowledge and the truth you claim to have you still don't realize when to stop. you said a lot of things tonight and at first it was funny, funny ha ha look at the crazy drunk, but after a while it stopped being funny. you repeatedly said "u dont kno me" and you were completely right. everything i thought i knew about you was a lie, and if there's one thing i've learned from my dealings with K, when she drinks and gets in that frame of mind, its that...

a drunk never lies.

so i'm glad i know how you really feel about me now. it hurts, but i deserve it because i'm a bitch ass nigger that goes to fucking artschool and should get back on welfare. your words. i just hope you finally realize that you need help. if that means losing your job, then so be it. because from everything you said, and from what i gathered, your job is a major part of why you're so fucked up now. maybe its time to find something new. find a place where you're happy. cause no matter how stupid or naive you say i am, i can say i'm happy with myself.

can you say the same thing?

currently listening to Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice