six in the morning epiphanies

i'm tired of falling in love with people that are unavailable. emotionally, physically, and mentally.

i also miss robby. can't help but feel like if i would have let you apologize when you wanted that you'd still be around. i don't know why, but i always fel like if there was anyone that i could tell something to it was you. i never felt like you ever judged me. i guess thats why i miss you, because there's some shit i need to ge off my chest and i don't have anyone to tell it to. oh well, if you're reading this i miss you. atleast you pretended like i had a chance, he he.

i'm also an ass. and i'm sleepy. and i have anger issues. and i los my inside voice when i moved to savannah. and i really don't like my little cousins. and my family is stupid. and my favorite cousin is probably gonna die, because he's a stupid 17 year old boy. and he's probably gonna die, and people are gonna be all sad, and i'm just gonna go on with my life like nothing has even happened. because i'm cold, and detached from my family, and i don't deal with death well.

and i miss robby. where are you yeezy?

and you should probably disregard this entire post. but i am tired of falling in love. maybe i'm the fool. maybe i'm the stupid one for believeing in love and all these other idealistic things. maybe i'm just a lie and the truth you spoke to me, was reality. either way i wish that childish, naive part of me that believes in fairy tales, and happy endings, and love, and all that mushy stuff would just die. cause i'm tired of laying awake at night dreaming. i don't wanna do it anymore. i wanna sink back down to reality. life was easier then when i didn't care. i'm tired of caring. why can't i say something mean without feeling like a stoopid fuck. why can't i be that person. why.

i don't sleep anymore. i can't do it. because i'm usually preocupied with thoughts of you, or him, or her. i had a dream about you last night. it was weird. i remember being someplace and looking up and there you were. staring down at me smiling. and then i woke up.

currently listening to Dance, Dance, Dance on My Face by Lykke Li

i also feel like i should mention i havent had sex in ten/eleven days. thats a long time for me. i need to disappear for a bit.....but i won't. oh yeah, hi mark, i miss you too.